Ah, celebrities. So unpredictable. After all, who'd have thought that just over a year after her over-the-top wedding to Kris Humphries, Kim Kardashian would be carrying Kanye West's child? Or that image-conscious Brad Pitt would agree to do a ridiculous ad for Chanel No. 5? Or that cops would intercept a plot to murder Justin Bieber?!
As full of surprises as the celebrity world is, I still try to anticipate the year's biggest gossip before it happens each January. Last year, I wasn't entirely off. Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux did get engaged, and while Russell Brand didn't hook up with Kate Moss, he did find temporary solace with another member of the British pop culture royalty -- Ginger Spice Geri Halliwell.
So, if you're looking for something completely useless to waste a few minutes on, read my list of 13 totally random predictions for 2013! Who knows, some of these crazy antics just might come to fruition.
1. George Clooney does an embarrassing TV commercial for women's hairspray, is widely mocked.
2. Madonna sees Argo, likes it and decides to direct a film from the Iranian housekeeper's point of view.
3. The casting for the movie adaptation of 50 Shades of Grey is announced. While nobody is really surprised when Amanda Seyfried lands the role of Anastasia, more than a few eyebrows are raised by the decision to cast Michael Cera as the domineering Christian Grey. He goes on to be named People's Sexiest Man Alive.
4. Ryan Gosling breaks up another fight, enjoys the rush and decides to leave acting to pursue a career in law enforcement.
5. Rihanna and Chris Brown get married -- and divorced. Following the split, they work together on Battleship 2, which (temporarily) rekindles their volatile love affair.
6. Justin Bieber puts the moves on 23-year-old aspiring cougar Taylor Swift. Now that he's 18, though, Biebs is too old for Swifty's taste. She sets her sights on Modern Family cutie Rico Rodriguez instead.
7. Following in the footsteps of Jackie & Kelso's real-life romance eight years after That 70's Show went off the air, Jennie Garth and Luke Perry do one better by making Dylan & Kelly happen in the real world 13 years after the original 90210 aired its final episode.
8. After the publicity tour for the DVD release of the final Twilight flick is done, K-Stew and R-Patz quietly go their separate ways. Shortly afterwards, K-Stew becomes Michael Bay's newest muse, and he casts her as April O'Neil in his apprehensively anticipated Ninja Turtles reboot.
9. Amy Poehler and Tina Fey pull a Franco, and show up to their Golden Globes hosting gig totally baked. (The dead giveaway that they've been tokin'? When Fey wrestles a bag of Cheetos away from unsuspecting audience member Britney Spears.)
10. Katie Holmes starts dating unlikely ladies' man Jonah Hill. The two are introduced by mutual pals Michelle Williams (Katie's Dawson's Creek co-star) and Jason Segel, Hill's frequent collaborator in the Apatow crew.
11. Tom Cruise teams up with Reese Witherspoon to produce the movie adaptation of Gillian Flynn's best-seller 'Gone Girl' -- on the condition that he gets to star as the young, tall and ruggedly handsome hero, Nick Dunne. He dyes his hair blond for the role and figures that should do it.
12. A drunk and belligerent Steve Carrell has a public meltdown. When he's pulled over for a DUI, he sexually harasses the female officer and hurls his phone at her male counterpart's head.
13. When Daniel Day-Lewis wins the Best Actor trophy for Lincoln at the Oscars, Ben Affleck pulls a Kanye and mistakenly ascends the stage to accept the prize for himself. He manages to declare "How do you like them apples!?" before being escorted off the stage. Day-Lewis graciously handles the incident and proceeds to give a very boring, humble, run-of-the-mill acceptance speech that doesn't include any Good Will Hunting quotes. At all.
Got any predictions of your own? Let me know below!