2010's Piranha 3D is a tough movie to top. It has everything you could want in a cheesy horror flick: an ass-kicking Elisabeth Shue, an adorably nerdy Adam Scott, a hilariously douche-y Jerry O'Connell and a whole lotta moronic Spring Breakers you just can't wait to see get eaten by an army of blood-thirsty piranhas. It was funny, gory and suspenseful all at once.
Unfortunately, not even the King of Cheese himself, David Hasselhoff, can help Piranha 3DD live up to its predecessor. It's not all bad, though. David Koechner (Anchorman) does a good job of picking up where O'Connell left off as the sleaziest, greediest, perviest guy around. His character, Chet, has found a way to merge the most titillating qualities of a strip club with the wet 'n' wild properties of a water park in the form of an anything-goes amusement park called the Big Wet.
Ving Rhames and the hilarious Paul Scheer (The League) are back for more, and provide some of the flick's funnier scenes as Rhames' character tries to overcome his fear of water, following the horrors he witnesses at Lake Victoria. His customized shotgun-leg comes in handy when the aquatic beasts resurface beyond the lake. The Hoff's self-deprecating scenes also provide plenty of comic relief amidst the bloodshed. He plays himself hitting rock-bottom after accepting a gig to appear in his trusty red Baywatch suit at the Big Wet opening. He even logs time in the lifeguard chair.
Aside from figuring out how to weave in as much Hasselhoff and DD breasts as possible, it's obvious that very little thought was put into Piranha 3DD. There's hardly even a plot. That said, if all you want to do is zone out, escape the summer heat and embrace the cheese, there are worse ways to spend your time than checking out Piranha 3DD. For extra fromage, be sure to stay after the credits for a bonus Hasselhoff scene.
While Piranha 3DD leans a bit too hard on the cheese factor, the original Piranha 3D is a great example of a reasonably well-constructed guilty pleasure flick. Watching piranhas terrorize Spring Break dummies while Elisabeth Shue and Ving Rhames spout off witty one-liners isn't going to enrich your life, but it sure will help you escape all your troubles!
In a nod to Piranha 3D, I've compiled a list of my other top five favourite "so bad yet so good" flicks. Share your own in the comments section!
1. Friday the 13th. This flick has it all when it comes to guilty pleasure hallmarks: cheeky camp counselors getting up to shenanigans (including strip Monopoly!), a crazy masked slasher on the loose and even a young Kevin Bacon!
2. The Lost Boys. Isn't moving to a new town the worst? It's especially difficult to make new friends when your older brother gets sucked into a gang of vampires led by Kiefer Sutherland. Poor Corey Haim. At least he found a dorky pal (Corey Feldman) to hunt vampires with! While pretty much any movie starring The Two Coreys is guilty-pleasure-worthy, this one tops the list.
3. Poltergeist. Before he was Coach, Craig T. Nelson was busy shooing ghosts out of his haunted house in Poltergeist. He even enlisted help from some nerdy parapsychologists (complete with Ghostbusters-esque equipment) and a totally wacky spiritual medium named Tangina. Even with this crack team, though, the house is still terrifying. It's so scary, in fact, that Mom doesn't even have enough wits about her to put on pants before fleeing!
4. Troll 2. Ah, Troll 2. It can always be counted on to turn any frown upside-down. This insanely cheesy flick about people-eating (yet "vegetarian"??!!) goblins doesn't make any sense, but that's half the fun! It's easy to see how Troll 2 has earned the dubious distinction of being one of the worst movies ever made, but that doesn't mean it's not incredibly entertaining to watch.
5. The Faculty. Why are all the teachers suddenly so thirsty? Oh no, they're aliens! First they're chugging water coolers, next they're jamming slugs into students' ears! Throw in a terrifying Bebe Neuwirth, a lovably dorky Jon Stewart and a badass Josh Hartnett, and you've got yourself a perfect guilty pleasure flick.